You should never discuss religion or politics.” Today, there seems to be many issues we should never discuss; race, gay marriage, gun control, abortion, diet, how to raise children and many others. The societal view of many topics has drifted from black & white to gray. This has often led to more nuanced and thoughtful discussions. However, it has also led to a polarized construct in which people on either side of an issue are intolerant of others that are “racist”, “bigoted”, “judgmental” or simply “wrong”.
Herein lies significant opportunity for growth. Regardless of your view on any touchy topic, it’s your view which is unlikely to change. Since you know what you think, save your energy talking about what you think and seek to understand what others think. Nobody actively believes they are wrong in their own view. Therefore it can be far more interesting to actively listen to why someone has their viewpoint especially if it contradicts your viewpoint.
The opportunity for growth lies in the discipline required to listen and understand the reasoning of an opinion contrary to your own. Often we are not listening because we are formulating our retort as the other speaks. When this is occurring at the same time between two people, nothing is accomplished and both typically feel worse after the interaction. Active listening requires questioning with a neutral tone designed to better understand how the other person reaches their opinion, even if you completely disagree. The stronger you disagree with a contrary opinion, the more discipline it takes.
I challenge you to seek different outcomes when controversial topics come up. It is very unlikely the person bringing the topic up will be interested in your opinion other than as fodder for attack. Therefore, you neutralize the situation by demonstrating interest in the other person who will most likely be eager to share why they feel the way they do. Once they are talked out, you will have established a level of behavioral listening, beneficial to you in itself, which may be mirrored by the other person.
